Sasha

It's really strange to think that I'm 18 and it really hasn't sunk in yet. 17 was definitely the best year of my life, certainly the one in which the most things happened... It felt more like a permanent state of being, an inherent quality of mine, rather than something which would only last a year.

It feels like I can barely remember anything from when I was 16, and 17 was all there was. And now it's over. There's nothing else to be added to "When I was 17..."

And it really wasn't just having a car that made so much happen. That's the least of it, because half the time I was bumming rides.

It's a combination of things, I guess. It started when I went to the beach alone. I remember vaguely wanting to live there by myself for a long time, and finally it happened and it was everything I imagined it to be. Then I started going to Rocky Horror with one kid who's now a really good friend of mine, then we roomed together in Florence, and now we go EVERYWHERE together.

Some point earlier in this year, not exactly sure when, I started hanging out at my local mall a lot. Initially I was the typical Jersey retard about it and it was a big deal, now it's just somewhere I go when absolutely nothing else is going on. But it expanded my life experience a lot. I made a lot of friends, had 18 million romantic interests, stayed out late, and went on ridiculous Bergen County adventures way past midnight. It sounds stupid, but that was the first time I ever had a real, continuously developing social scene that I myself was part of since grade school. There were no girls in my high school, so nothing ever really happened.

So today, after my Nat Sherman pilgrimage/Brookyln bacchanal for my actual birthday, today I'm going to go apply for a job. Maybe make a Craigslist post just for the fuck of it haha

chernobyl chan: i was out last night
chernobyl chan: all night
chernobyl chan: and didnt call my mom
chernobyl chan: so at around 1:30 im in a parking lot with my ex-girlfriend and i get a call
chernobyl chan: and i get screamed at
chernobyl chan: and my dad's like when you come home leave your keys with me
chernobyl chan: so i couldn't go home

from 6-10 i was at the mall, 10-12 i was at an ihop charging and texting, making plans, hiding from the busboy with my head down behind a divider so i wouldn't be given a table. 12-2 i was with my ex in the clifton commons parking lot and a diner, then i left because i couldn't sleep at her place. i left went to lyndhurst and cuddled up next to some girl and may or may not have slept, probably not, but i got kicked out by her alcoholic screamy mom around 4:30

then i FLEW to the diner in my town, record time, blasting emo music the whole way, drank 7 cups of coffee, ate a tossed salad, and read the bell jar, 4:45-7ish.

i drove to a park behind an elementary school in wayne, parked in a secluded spot, and slept in the back of my car from 7:30 to 8:30. then some guy caught me peeing in the woods, he didn't say anything and i said good morning so i was weirded out so i split. i actually felt really rested after "sleeping" there even if i didn't, i was having so much trouble driving before... i keep a blanket in the back of my car, i'd known i'd have to do this eventually.

i drove to the library, got there around 8:45 and tried to sleep a little. read more plath, couldn't sleep, checked the internet in the library, read a bit. hung out in a comfy chair until around 1:30, when i checked my voice messages. mom said dad was about to call the police, which was an obvious bluff, but it's mother's day weekend so i came home.

what i really remember was at one point before i slept in wayne i went to the library parking lot and just walked around in the woods. because i had to pee haha but it was so strange because it was somewhere i'd been in my childhood for a fair and it was just so different, so barren and earlymorning and wet from the rain.

I'm going to Otakon and AN this year, just in case anyone was wondering haha. I have a room for Otakon, somehow, and it's pretty near the convention center, but for some reason my mom has decided to make it into some big Washington DC adventure with my sister so she'll be sharing the room with me...

Which means I can't really go with anyone else, which is incredibly stupid because it's $233 and I don't think DC's really worth that kind of cash and numerous hours of driving.

I might be able to convince her, though, if I get enough people with an interest. I mean, imagine how cheap it could get if we got like 4 people in that room. Or, like, 8 haha.

Meanwhile, I'm a bit worried about AN because a lot of my ~*friends*~ from the mall are going and they're going to annoy me until I have to physically run away.